So God’s had his hands full for a while. Ever since Eve pointed a gun to Adam’s head and made him eat that apple, it’s been all down hill for humanity and that’s meant extra time in the office for the Big Guy. We have to say He’s handled the stress fairly well. Yeah, it got to him early on and He flooded the earth for forty days and forty nights, but He promised no repeats on that one and stuck to it (although things looked shaky during Katrina). But it must be a pain when you’re trying to get people to follow 2 simple rules- Love Me and love your neighbor- and you get half-assed returns.
Thankfully, somebody down here has noticed and is pitching in and trying to turn things around. Pastor Marc Grizzard and the 14(!) members of Amazing Grace Baptist church in Canton, NC, will be burning Bibles later this month. Pastor Marc belives any version of the Bible that isn’t the King James Version is a perversion of God’s Word and a work of Satan. FINALLY! It’s certain that ridding the earth of the NIV, ESV, The Message and other bits of sacrilege will immediately make us all 99% holy.
That last one percent will get taken care of by burning books by Christian authors like Billy Graham and Rick “Lunchbox” Warren. Billy Graham? Really? I could probably get behind lighting up the whole Purpose-Driven empire on aesthetic grounds, right after we break out the gas can on Thomas Kincaide, but is Satan really lurking there? If you burn Billy Graham, what the hell would you do to Benny Hinn?
Readeth thou with thine own eyes hereth. Leaveth thine comments below.
Thanks for wandering over to Revenge of the Door. It looks like our friend The Wittenburg Door is out of commission. Nothing new up for a year or two. We’re going to try and get some good religous satire going here. Email firstname.lastname@example.org to submit. I may type “we”, but it’s pretty much just me, so I need your help. Joe Bob Briggs, if you’re out there, give us a shout!